Trump Needs to Be Stopped NOW!
By Matt Damon
Here are the top ten referendums Donald Trump is proposing for the United States once elected. You haven’t heard these before, but you will. It’s truly frightening, especially what he says about women in this country.
1. Reversing Emancipation Proclamation.
This is very scary. Back 1972, Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves, and now Trump wants to reverse Emancipation Proclamation. Trump’s proposed referendum states that all decedents of freed slaves will now be re-enslaved. This is very scary. Don’t let this happen! We must fight.
2. Castration for Males with Low IQ’s
Trump is pushing this referendum really hard, although you may not have heard of it before. He wants all males who are slightly or severely retarded to be castrated so as to not pass on the lineage. As a male with slight retardation, I really don’t want this to happen. I’m very frightened for my future. We must stop Trump now!
3. Men Must Wear Tops at the Beach
Donald Trump, the POTUS Republican nominee, wants all males to wear tops on the beach like they did in the 1800s. This is truly not scary. I’ll have to admit, I think this might be a good one. Trump recently said that “there are just too many fat and gelatinous men with jiggly titties running around on the beach topless without a care in the world. This has got to stop.” I second that emotion. When asked about what kind of tops men should have to wear, Trump said emphatically. “It doesn’t matter as long as they aren’t white tank tops.” He later chanted, “No wife beaters—and no drugs. Make America great again.” I can’t help it, but I’m behind Trump on this one.
4. Take Over Indian Casinos
Donald Trump wants to take away all the casinos owned by Native Americans and have the United States government take control over them. When asked why he’s doing this, he said, “I dunno. I just feel like it,” and then punched the reporter in the face. Wow! I really don’t know what to say other than, “You want this man to be our President?”
5. Ban Tacos from America
“The local taco stand is the scourge of America,” Donald once said in front of an audience of Polish African Americans. “We cannot let this continue! Make America great again!” This is really scary. As a taco lover myself, I cannot see living in a world without tacos.
At another rally of 75,000 Sri Lankan immigrants, Trump said, “If you’re caught eating a taco, that’s strike one. Three strikes and you get deported to Mexico—even if you’re not from Mexico. NO MORE TACOS! We must eliminate this abomination!” Whoa! This is truly frightening. Only three strikes and you get sent to Mexico. Ouch! I better get into the De-Taco program at the Better Ford Clinic.
6. Trump Youth
Trump has been talking about organizing young lads to help enforce some of his referendums (i.e. the taco ban and men wearing tops at the beach). At a rally of South Jersey Shore Italians, he said that these fine young men will be issued standard brown buttoned-down shirts with an arm ban that symbolized his movement. He said he would probably call these young lads “brown shirts,” but their official name would be Trump Youth.
To be honest with you, I really don’t know what to say about this. I’m just a bit confused. But. Stop. Trump. NOW! Who’s with me?
7. Women Will No Longer Have to Work
In a very enlightening move, Trump has said that, “women won’t have to work by 2020.” Trump’s goal is to allow all women to stay at home and raise children. He also said this would alleviate all the complaints by women of “equal work—equal pay.”
He went on to say, “No more jobs. No more complaints. It doesn’t get any better than that,” he said. I remain speechless. He said that only men will have to go through the drudgery and toil of work; however, they will receive “double salary” so not to upset the balance of current dual income families. Here, here. What a great and novel idea—but still, Trump needs to be stopped! Stopped!
Trump said at a rally of large breasted women that, “the first jobs to be eliminated would be waitressing jobs” because “those can easily be done by men.”
This referendum is truly scary. All those women out of work would be a real travesty to this country. Women should be allowed to work just as much as men—even if they don’t want to. If this really happens, I will have to leave the country. Who’s with me? Huh? Anyone, anyone?
8. Changing April Fool’s Day (a.k.a April 1st) to September 9th
Donald is out of control on this one. He wants to move a most sacred holiday to a completely different day. This is very scary. I don’t want to be around when this happens. He once said that the Jews and the Christians are the reason for this because “they didn’t understand the holiday,” and that it came too soon in the year and people were unprepared. This is truly unbelievable. What a scary world we’d be living in if this happens. Please for the love of God and all of humanity; don’t let this man in office! It’s scary!
9. Eliminate All Electricity
We all know that oil is at an all-time low, and companies like Exxon-Mobil are suffering dearly, and a lot of other small shale oil companies have gone out of business. In order to increase demand for domestic oil, Trump has vowed to “eliminate all electricity by 2050.”
We all know that cars run on oil, but “what about everything else that runs on electricity?” as one reporter asked Mr. Trump while boarding his private jet. Trump’s response? “Oil only. No electricity, and everyone is going to have a great time.”
Many homes are heated with oil but soon lamps, ovens and everything else in the home will have to run on oil if Trump’s no electricity referendum gets pushed through. This is truly scary. Trump said that people can still run their home appliances on oil if they “just get a generator for the home—and everyone’s gonna love it. It’s all in good fun. Make America great—again. This no electricity referendum is gonna be yuge!”
During a meeting with Apple’s CEO, Tim Cook, it was announced that the iPhone 8 will be able to “run on oil.” Cook even said that Steve Jobs knew that this no electricity thing could be a problem, so he had his team at Apple create special mini oil tanks that attach to the iPhone through the USB port.
“The good news is you’ll never have to charge your iPhone again,” Tim Cook said during a press conference. “Let me repeat that (so this can be found on the internet): the iPhone 8 will never have to be charged ever again. With the new mini USB oil tank, you’ll never have to charge your iPhone again. Did you get that? I, Tim Cook, am saying that you’ll never have charge your iPhone again thanks to Donald Trump’s forward-thinking agenda to eliminate all electricity.”
Okay, I don’t know about you, but this sounds pretty scary. While it sounds like a real utopia not to have your iPhone needing to be charged, the mini USB oil tank just sounds too messy to me. We cannot allow this to happen. Stop Trump now! Or later.
10. Repeal All Pooper-Scooper Laws—Except for the State of Rhode Island
This referendum sounds too scary to be true. This is why we need to stop Trump now! This referendum to repeal all pooper-scooper laws is just too frightening. Think about all the progress we’ve made by eliminating dog shit from our sidewalks and our lawns.
But Trump doesn’t agree. He told a reporter, “Think about the poor dog trying to take a dump while his master is looking on waiting in quiet desperation. We can’t have this. Dogs shouldn’t have to suffer this humiliation of their master bending over with a plastic shopping bag grabbing their doo on the ground. Dogs all across the country don’t like this, and I don’t like it either. As a human being, it’s demoralizing. We need to make America great again, and this is one of the first things I’ll do in office.”
This is truly scary. We cannot set the clock back. We need to stop Trump now with this referendum. We need to have our sidewalks and streets clear of dog shit.
When asked why Rhode Island was exempt from this law, he simply said, “Rhode Island is already full of shit, so they don’t really any more shit—dog or otherwise.”
Trump needs to be stopped. I cannot say it anymore clearly. This is top ten reasons why Trump needs to be stopped should be a real eye opener to all voters in this country.
What do you think? Do you think these are valid reasons for wanting to stop Trump now before he goes too far? Please comment below and give me your heartfelt thoughts. Heartfelt.